The Seafront Tea Rooms Page 18

  The wooden boat butted against the side of the island. ‘Why do I get the feeling you’re taking me somewhere we shouldn’t be going?’ Charlie said.

  He tied the boat to a branch and gave her his hand to help her out.

  ‘It’ll be fine,’ he said. ‘Trust me.’

  He led her by the hand to a small clearing, hidden completely from the rest of the park. A picnic blanket was laid out, with a bottle of champagne and a hamper beside it.

  ‘Did you do all this?’ Charlie said, turning to him in amazement.

  He shrugged. ‘Come and sit down.’

  She sat on the rug and he opened the bottle of champagne and poured them both a glass.

  ‘I know you’re leaving soon,’ he said. ‘But while you’re here I want to make the most of our time together. As friends, if that’s what you want.’

  ‘As friends?’ Charlie said, innocently.

  ‘Sure,’ he said.

  She sipped from the glass of champagne, and looked him directly in the eye. Then she spoke.

  ‘It’s just… Being friends seems a waste of all this, don’t you think?’

  The corners of his mouth lifted. Charlie smiled, then touched his arm and kissed him gently. There in the clearing, with the warmth of his skin and the tenderness in his kiss, she gave in completely, her doubts fading away.

  31

  Sunday 28 September

  Séraphine closed the textbooks she had been using to teach Zoe, and slid them across the table towards her. ‘So, we’re finished for today. Your pronunciation is coming along so well, Zoe. I’m impressed.’

  ‘Merci,’ Zoe said, playfully. ‘Thank you.’

  These days, Séraphine looked forward to her time with Zoe. It wasn’t always easy, and there were times when Zoe was reluctant to learn, but when that light went on and Zoe embraced the class it made everything worthwhile.

  ‘One more thing,’ Séraphine said. ‘Do you have the homework I set you?’

  Séraphine readied herself for the excuse, but instead Zoe produced a neatly typed printout. ‘Here you go.’

  Séraphine took it from her with a smile. ‘How did you find it? Easy?’

  ‘I had to use a dictionary for some of the words, so I’m not sure they’re right.’

  ‘That’s fine, that’s part of learning,’ Séraphine reassured her.

  ‘I guess I didn’t find it that easy, but not because of the French.’

  ‘Why then?’ Séraphine asked.

  ‘Because it’s about something close to my heart.’

  That evening, Séraphine climbed into bed in her pyjamas and Skyped Carla.

  ‘Salut!’ Carla said. Her dark hair was bundled into a topknot and she wore a white T-shirt, her face make-up free apart from a little mascara.

  Séraphine brightened immediately. ‘Hello,’ she said. ‘How are things?’

  ‘Good,’ Carla said. ‘Better for seeing you. It’s been a long week, I’m still not used to the early mornings.’

  ‘What’s new in the bakery this week?’

  ‘I tried the scone recipe you sent me, and made some strawberry jam to go with them. They are going down well. One or two grumbles about us not having as many pain au chocolat as usual, but for the most part I think our English Week has been a success.’

  ‘I’ll tell Letty,’ Séraphine said. ‘She’ll be happy to hear that.’

  ‘It seems you have found some good friends over there,’ Carla said, warmly.

  ‘Yes, I have,’ Séraphine replied, reflecting on what it had meant to her to meet Charlie, Kat and Letty. ‘I’ve been lucky.’

  ‘And how are the plans for the party going?’

  ‘It’s coming together nicely. We’ve got most things organised – and plenty of cake.’

  ‘I wish I could be there,’ Carla sighed.

  ‘I wish you could too. In fact I wish you could be here all the time,’ Séraphine smiled.

  ‘Not long now,’ Carla said.

  ‘Just over a month,’ Séraphine said. ‘So soon.’

  ‘You won’t forget to come home?’

  ‘Never.’

  They wished each other good night and Séraphine made herself end the call. She missed Carla even more now.

  She switched off her computer and brought the duvet up around her.

  Before she went to sleep, she took out Zoe’s homework. It was a creative writing task that she’d set: ‘Imagine you are an animal. Which one are you? What do you usually do in a day?’

  I am a horse.

  When I’m at home, my owner cares for me, brushes me gently with the horse brush and looks at me lovingly. She helps me if I have a stone in my hoof, or when the flies gather round my eyes. It’s annoying when they do that. She strokes me gently.

  Then we go out. I can feel the wind in my mane as I race through the countryside. It is just me and the fields, the grass under my hooves – I am completely free. I want to run and run. My owner is riding me. I trust her to guide me. We are a team.

  This is where I have lived since I was a foal. Fields of green and lots of sunflowers. Little houses scattered around, other horses nearby. It’s a beautiful country.

  Séraphine touched the page. ‘Oh, Zoe,’ she whispered to herself. She remembered the girl she’d met when she first arrived – the unhappy girl who hated France, swore she would never go there, and disliked Séraphine on sight. It had seemed that, for Zoe, everything about the country she’d grown up in was tied to the tragedy of her mother’s death. At the time, Séraphine had wondered if that would ever change. Now, she had a glimmer of hope that it could.

  32

  Monday 29 September

  Still no sign of Jake, Kat texted Charlie. Three nights now. We’ve called the police, rung round his friends and the hospitals. Fingers crossed he’ll come back today. Kx

  She put down her phone. Since Saturday she, Diane and Andy had been looking for Jake, trawling the local cafés and his friend’s houses, pretending to Leo that it was all a game of hide and seek. That had been Andy’s idea – it distracted Leo from asking questions, but sat uneasily with Kat. After all, what would they tell him if, in the end, his dad couldn’t be found? She felt sick to the pit of her stomach thinking about it.

  She went into the kitchen, where Leo was having breakfast with his grandparents. Their smiles were in place, laughing and playing with him, but Kat could see the worry lines etched on their faces. Jake had never been the most reliable person – he’d come home late without warning, and forget meetings and appointments, even important ones. But this – going missing for three nights – he’d never done anything like this before.

  ‘How about a banana?’ Diane said, offering one to Leo. His eyes lit up and he reached for it. Andy smiled at his delight. In spite of the circumstances, Kat could see the joy that their grandson brought to Diane and Andy’s lives, and was grateful for their support. She shouldn’t have doubted them. Jake had always had a way of making her believe what he said, even when she should know better.

  She nursed the cup of tea that she’d left on the table when she went to text Charlie. It was warm enough still to offer a little comfort. She looked at Leo, merrily eating and chattering. Something had to change today; they couldn’t all go on waiting. The police knew about Jake, but nothing seemed to be moving very fast there.

  Kat thought back to the days that she and Jake had spent in the city, when she was a student – she’d revisited most of their regular haunts on Saturday, some had changed, some stayed the same, but Jake hadn’t been in any of them. His friends had agreed to keep a look out and stay in touch with the staff in case things changed. Those places were where she had happy memories of being with Jake, and they’d come to her first. But what about the times when they’d argued? She realised she’d filtered those moments out, not wanting to revisit them. She forced herself to do it now. When she was upset, she’d gone to her room, lost herself in a book and tried to ease the pain that way. But Jake had always gone out. Always. It c
ame back to her in a flash.

  ‘You’re OK to mind Leo, aren’t you?’ Kat said. ‘I need to go out for a while.’

  ‘Yes,’ Andy said. He had a trace of hope in his eyes, as if he understood. ‘Don’t forget your coat, and there’s a scarf on the coat rack you can borrow. It’s chilly out today.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  Kat left the house, her pace speeding up as she neared Arthur’s Seat, the hill that overlooked the city. The cold wind stung her cheeks. It didn’t make sense that anyone would choose to sleep outside in the cold weather – but it had to be worth a try. She climbed the hill and saw the bench in the distance. How had she forgotten it? Time after time it was where she’d found him. Repentent, usually, but occasionally still angry. With the architecture of Edinburgh laid out in front of them, they’d talked, and kissed, and made up, found their way back together more than a dozen times.

  Two days of searching and it hadn’t crossed her mind until now. She neared it, and could make out a figure slumped forward, head in hands. It was Jake. Her breath caught. She had found him.

  Kat approached the bench quietly and sat down next to him. He seemed to sense her presence. He didn’t look up, but he looked across at her denim-clad legs, and down at her brown leather boots, familiar to him.

  ‘Kat,’ he said, without looking up.

  ‘Hi.’

  She saw that his shoulders were shaking and there was the sound of quiet sobbing. Instinctively, she put an arm around him.

  He burrowed his head in her shoulder, just as his son did whenever he was in need of comfort. Kat held him. The anger and frustration that had been building in her since their phone call was still there, but at the same time she felt sorry for him.

  ‘I’ve messed everything up,’ he said into her shoulder, the words coming out muffled.

  She took a deep breath. She didn’t have to be here, she didn’t have to speak to Jake now – or ever again. But as she stroked his arm, she knew that she would.

  ‘Yes, you have messed things up,’ Kat said, pulling away gently. ‘You’ve put me and your parents through hell.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, weakly.

  ‘Not good enough. We need to talk.’

  They walked through town and found a café. Kat ordered a cup of tea and toast and a fried breakfast for Jake.

  ‘You’re hungry,’ she said, as he devoured the food in front of him.

  ‘I haven’t been sleeping or eating much. Just walking around town, trying to get my head straight. It’s been freezing. I got into a hostel on the first two nights, but last night I was out on the bench.’

  ‘Well, you should have come home,’ she said, her sympathy reaching its limit. ‘Believe me, none of us have been sleeping much either. I was worried, Jake. Really worried. The way you were talking, I thought you were going to do something drastic, hurt yourself, maybe even take off with Leo without telling me – and then this, you completely disappear.’

  ‘It was stupid,’ Jake said, shaking his head. ‘I don’t blame you for being angry. I was an idiot. I was saying things just to hurt you. And then I needed some space to figure everything out.’

  ‘But why did you want to hurt me?’ Kat said, feeling angry all over again.

  ‘Because you’re cutting me out.’

  ‘What, because I don’t want to get back together?’

  ‘Because you wouldn’t even consider it. I suppose I realised for the first time just how much I threw away. When we had Leo, all I could think about was what we had lost… our freedom, the way we used to be able to be spontaneous. It’s taken me three years to fully appreciate what we’ve gained – Leo. I want us to be a family – but then you gave me a no, flat out, because you reckon it’s “too late” for that.’

  Kat looked him in the eye. Remembered the moments they’d shared together, the laughter, the intimacy.

  ‘It’s been too late for a long time, Jake,’ she said firmly. ‘And the way you’ve been acting recently has only confirmed that. I’ve done everything I could to ensure you and Leo could have a relationship, that he could have a dad. But now… I mean, how do we go forward from here?’

  ‘You’re right,’ Jake said, putting his head in his hands.

  ‘I’m sorry, Jake, but I don’t know if I can trust you again.’

  Jake’s back, Kat texted Charlie. Me and Leo are on our way home. See you soon, Kx

  Diane and Andy had greeted Jake with hugs in front of Leo, but as Kat packed up her son’s things she’d heard their raised voices behind the closed kitchen door. Leo was oblivious, unquestioningly happy to see his dad again, and sad to say goodbye. Kat had spent the train journey walking up and down the carriages with Leo, talking to other passengers and keeping him entertained. Now that they were home, though, and he was settled in bed, she found herself alone with her thoughts and doubts.

  She’d called Diane and Andy, letting them know that they’d arrived back safely and asking them to tell Jake. She kept her message simple and to the point, the way all communication was going to be from hereon. She had hoped she and Jake would be the kind of people who would co-parent smoothly, politely negotiating handovers and things needed for school trips. But it had rarely been like that with them, and now she had to accept that it never would be.

  Kat poured herself a cup of hot chocolate and walked over to the window. It was dark outside and in the distance she could see fireworks going off, the bright lights reflected in the sea water.

  She kept telling herself that Leo was home, and he was safe. That was all that mattered.

  The last thing she’d wanted was to exclude Jake from his son’s life. She’d tried to give him space to build his own relationship with Leo. But in doing so she’d put Leo at risk. She’d left her son in the care of someone who wasn’t even able to care for himself. How did you move on from that?

  33

  Monday 29 September

  Letty got the chicken casserole out of the oven and sat down to eat it at her kitchen table next to the window. The view was as familiar to her as anything else in the room – the ebb and flow of the tide, the couples strolling on the beach.

  She looked at her phone, but there were no messages. Nothing from Kat. The last thing she’d heard from Charlie was that Jake was still missing – she didn’t want to add to Kat’s worry by checking up. It would be fine. Of course it would be. Kat was sensible, and she’d proven time and again that she could get herself out of difficult situations. It was one of the things that Letty admired most about her. But at the same time she wished there was a way of knowing for sure that everything was all right.

  She put some music on – she didn’t like to eat in silence. The radio played ‘Midnight Train to Georgia’. One of John’s favourites.

  She put her fork down as a memory came back to her. The two of them had danced to that song on the dark-red rug in the middle of her living-room floor. He’d held her, late in the evening, when Euan was fast asleep in his room and they had some precious time alone together. It was a lifetime ago, but she still remembered perfectly the feeling of John’s arms around her, the way she’d felt safe. As if maybe, just maybe, it would all be OK.

  The time before. That’s how she thought of it now. The time when the secret she held was no more than a tiny fluttering thing, not a solid truth that would uproot everything they both held dear.

  34

  Tuesday 30 September

  ‘To look at them now, you’d think they’d always been the best of friends,’ Charlie whispered to Kat.

  She, Kat and Séraphine were standing in the doorway to Pippa’s living room, watching as Leo, Jacob and Flo stood up in the pirate ship they’d constructed from sofa cushions. Leo was waving a paper flag with a marker-pen drawing of a skull and crossbones. ‘Arrrr!’ he called out.

  ‘No grown-ups allowed!’ Flo said.

  ‘Looks like Flo’s in charge. Let’s leave them to it,’ Charlie said, leading her friends through to the kitchen.

  ‘
Is Leo OK?’ Séraphine asked. ‘Do you think he realised what happened?’

  ‘He seems fine thankfully, and no, I don’t think he had a clue what was going on – which is a blessing,’ Kat said. ‘Luckily his grandparents covered for Jake while he was missing, and then he was so excited about going on a train that he didn’t ask many questions.’

  ‘You must have really been going through it on that journey up to Edinburgh,’ Charlie said, as they sat down.

  ‘Those were the longest hours of my life. I had no idea what I would find – and if Leo would be all right. Jake was acting so completely out of character that I started to question what he might be capable of.’

  Séraphine touched Kat lightly on the arm, and Kat brushed away a tear. ‘Anyway, Leo’s fine, and that’s what matters. I’m so angry with Jake, though. It was all bluster – all engineered to make me feel bad because he felt rejected. So childish.’

  ‘What have you arranged with him about seeing Leo in the future?’

  ‘I’ve told his parents that they need to talk to him about getting counselling, and they’ve agreed to do that.’

  ‘Do you think he’ll go along with it?’

  ‘They seemed to think that now he’s hit rock-bottom he’ll be open to it. All I know is I can’t take responsibility for his problems any more. He’s going to have to earn back my trust. Until he does, I don’t want him in Leo’s life, or in mine.’

  ‘I don’t blame you,’ Séraphine said. ‘What he did was very wrong.’

  ‘I know. But Jake is still Leo’s father, so for my son’s sake I have to try and make it work.’ Kat shrugged. ‘Anyway – enough of me. It’s good to see you both again. Tell me about something more cheerful. What’s been going on while I was away?’