The Seafront Tearoom Read online

  “I’ve messed everything up,” he said into her shoulder, the words coming out muffled.

  She took a deep breath. She didn’t have to be here, she didn’t have to speak to Jake now—or ever again. But as she stroked his arm, she knew that she would.

  “Yes, you have messed things up,” Kat said, pulling away gently. “You’ve put me and your parents through hell.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said weakly.

  “Not good enough. We need to talk.”

  They walked through town and found a café. Kat ordered a cup of tea and toast and a fried breakfast for Jake.

  “You’re hungry,” she said, as he devoured the food in front of him.

  “I haven’t been sleeping or eating much. Just walking around town, trying to get my head straight. It’s been freezing. I got into a hostel on the first two nights, but last night I was out on the bench.”

  “Well, you should have come home,” she said, her sympathy reaching its limit. “Believe me, none of us have been sleeping much either. I was worried, Jake. Really worried. The way you were talking, I thought you were going to do something drastic, hurt yourself, maybe even take off with Leo without telling me—and then this, you completely disappear.”

  “It was stupid,” Jake said, shaking his head. “I don’t blame you for being angry. I was an idiot. I was saying things just to hurt you. And then I needed some space to figure everything out.”

  “But why did you want to hurt me?” Kat said, feeling angry all over again.

  “Because you’re cutting me out.”

  “What, because I don’t want to get back together?”

  “Because you wouldn’t even consider it. I suppose I realized for the first time just how much I threw away. When we had Leo, all I could think about was what we had lost . . . our freedom, the way we used to be able to be spontaneous. It’s taken me three years to fully appreciate what we’ve gained—Leo. I want us to be a family—but then you gave me a no, flat out, because you reckon it’s ‘too late’ for that.”

  Kat looked him in the eye. Remembered the moments they’d shared together, the laughter, the intimacy.

  “It’s been too late for a long time, Jake,” she said firmly. “And the way you’ve been acting recently has only confirmed that. I’ve done everything I could to ensure you and Leo could have a relationship, that he could have a dad. But now . . . I mean, how do we go forward from here?”

  “You’re right,” Jake said, putting his head in his hands.

  “I’m sorry, Jake, but I don’t know if I can trust you again.”

  Jake’s back, Kat texted Charlie. Me and Leo are on our way home. See you soon, Kx

  Diane and Andy had greeted Jake with hugs in front of Leo, but as Kat packed up her son’s things she’d heard their raised voices behind the closed kitchen door. Leo was oblivious, unquestioningly happy to see his dad again, and sad to say good-bye. Kat had spent the train journey walking up and down the carriages with Leo, talking to other passengers and keeping him entertained. Now that they were home, though, and he was settled in bed, she found herself alone with her thoughts and doubts.

  She’d called Diane and Andy, letting them know that they’d arrived back safely and asking them to tell Jake. She kept her message simple and to the point, the way all communication was going to be from here on. She had hoped she and Jake would be the kind of people who would coparent smoothly, politely negotiating handovers and things needed for school trips. But it had rarely been like that with them, and now she had to accept that it never would be.

  Kat poured herself a cup of hot chocolate and walked over to the window. It was dark outside and in the distance she could see fireworks going off, the bright lights reflected in the sea water.

  She kept telling herself that Leo was home, and he was safe. That was all that mattered.

  The last thing she’d wanted was to exclude Jake from his son’s life. She’d tried to give him space to build his own relationship with Leo. But in doing so she’d put Leo at risk. She’d left her son in the care of someone who wasn’t even able to care for himself. How did you move on from that?

  33

  Monday, September 29

  Letty got the chicken casserole out of the oven and sat down to eat it at her kitchen table next to the window. The view was as familiar to her as anything else in the room—the ebb and flow of the tide, the couples strolling on the beach.

  She looked at her phone, but there were no messages. Nothing from Kat. The last thing she’d heard from Charlie was that Jake was still missing—she didn’t want to add to Kat’s worry by checking up. It would be fine. Of course it would be. Kat was sensible, and she’d proven time and again that she could get herself out of difficult situations. It was one of the things that Letty admired most about her. But at the same time she wished there was a way of knowing for sure that everything was all right.

  She put some music on—she didn’t like to eat in silence. The radio played “Midnight Train to Georgia.” One of John’s favorites.

  She put her fork down as a memory came back to her. The two of them had danced to that song on the dark-red rug in the middle of her living room floor. He’d held her, late in the evening, when Euan was fast asleep in his room and they had some precious time alone together. It was a lifetime ago, but she still remembered perfectly the feeling of John’s arms around her, the way she’d felt safe. As if maybe, just maybe, it would all be OK.

  The time before. That’s how she thought of it now. The time when the secret she held was no more than a tiny fluttering thing, not a solid truth that would uproot everything they both held dear.

  34

  Tuesday, September 30

  “To look at them now, you’d think they’d always been the best of friends,” Charlie whispered to Kat.

  She, Kat and Séraphine were standing in the doorway to Pippa’s living room, watching as Leo, Jacob and Flo stood up in the pirate ship they’d constructed from sofa cushions. Leo was waving a paper flag with a marker-pen drawing of a skull and crossbones. “Arrrr!” he called out.

  “No grown-ups allowed!” Flo said.

  “Looks like Flo’s in charge. Let’s leave them to it,” Charlie said, leading her friends through to the kitchen.

  “Is Leo OK?” Séraphine asked. “Do you think he realized what happened?”

  “He seems fine, thankfully, and no, I don’t think he had a clue what was going on—which is a blessing,” Kat said. “Luckily his grandparents covered for Jake while he was missing, and then he was so excited about going on a train that he didn’t ask many questions.”

  “You must have really been going through it on that journey up to Edinburgh,” Charlie said, as they sat down.

  “Those were the longest hours of my life. I had no idea what I would find—and if Leo would be all right. Jake was acting so completely out of character that I started to question what he might be capable of.”

  Séraphine touched Kat lightly on the arm, and Kat brushed away a tear. “Anyway, Leo’s fine, and that’s what matters. I’m so angry with Jake, though. It was all bluster—all engineered to make me feel bad because he felt rejected. So childish.”

  “What have you arranged with him about seeing Leo in the future?”

  “I’ve told his parents that they need to talk to him about getting counseling, and they’ve agreed to do that.”

  “Do you think he’ll go along with it?”

  “They seemed to think that now he’s hit rock bottom he’ll be open to it. All I know is I can’t take responsibility for his problems anymore. He’s going to have to earn back my trust. Until he does, I don’t want him in Leo’s life, or in mine.”

  “I don’t blame you,” Séraphine said. “What he did was very wrong.”

  “I know. But Jake is still Leo’s father, so for my son’s sake I have to try and make it work.” Kat sh
rugged. “Anyway—enough of me. It’s good to see you both again. Tell me about something more cheerful. What’s been going on while I was away?”

  “I’ve been talking with Carla,” Séraphine said. “I miss her like crazy and can’t wait to see her, but I’m still no closer to knowing how to handle it all when I get back home.”

  “That’s something you’ll just have to deal with when you come to it,” Charlie said.

  “That’s what I keep telling myself,” Séraphine said. “Carla’s being incredibly patient about it, thankfully.”

  “It sounds as though you two have what it takes,” Charlie said. “You’ll work it out.”

  “I hope so,” Séraphine said.

  “I was so caught up with everything in Scotland, I never got to ask you how your date with Euan went last week,” Kat said to Charlie. “It seems ages ago now.”

  Charlie smiled. “Actually it turned into more than one date.”

  “You’re kidding,” Kat said, smiling. “This sounds interesting. So how’s it all going?”

  “The timing’s terrible,” Charlie said.

  “You’re into him,” Kat teased. She nudged Charlie. “I can tell.”

  “Maybe,” Charlie reluctantly admitted. “I feel good around him. He makes me laugh, and we get each other. With him, I never have to pretend to be someone I’m not.”

  “That’s a good sign,” Séraphine said. “And how are you finding it—trusting again?”

  “You know what I said about barriers? I wouldn’t say there’s been a miracle, but it does feel as though they’re starting to come down.”

  “That’s great,” Kat said.

  “Don’t go buying a hat,” Charlie said, laughing. “It’s only been a couple of weeks. I’m a relationship disaster area, and you said yourself that’s not his forte either.”

  “A perfect match, then,” Séraphine said, smiling.

  “I have a good feeling about this,” Kat said. “I can picture you two together.”

  “You know what, it is pretty exciting,” Charlie said. “I haven’t let myself say that until now—but I enjoy spending time with him.”

  “Good,” Kat said. “Relax and make the most of it.”

  As she said it, Kat thought about how easy it was to wish happiness for her friends, yet how rarely she let herself live by the same advice. She’d allowed Jake’s temper to dominate her life for too long—living in the shadow of it, even now, had kept her from moving forward in her own life. She couldn’t change him, but she could do her best to break free of the control he still had over her.

  “Talking of relaxing, and enjoying,” Charlie said. “It’s less than a week to the party. I know we’ve had other things to think about, but is everything set up?”

  “Yes,” Séraphine said. “I went through the list we made at Kat’s and we’ve got most things lined up. You’re still OK to do the decorations, are you, Kat? I can take that over from you if you’ve got too much on?”

  “I’m fine with that,” Kat said. “I’ve started on them already, and I’m not going to let what happened with Jake stand in the way of a good time.” Kat looked at the others and smiled, staying focused. “This is about Letty, and the three of us are going to throw her a party she’ll never forget.”

  35

  Wednesday, October 1

  Kat was running Leo’s bath and he was playing with toys in the bathroom when her phone rang.

  “Stay here for a second, sweetheart,” she said to him. “I’m just going to answer that.”

  She ran for her mobile and stood in the doorway where she could keep an eye on Leo.

  “Hello.”

  “Kat—it’s me.”

  “Dad!” she said, lighting up at the sound of her father’s voice. Leo looked up and smiled.

  “Is that Grandpa?” he asked excitedly. She nodded.

  “How the heck are you? Where are you calling from?”

  “Guess,” he said.

  The line was clearer than usual, but that seemed to vary regardless of how far away he was.

  “Where do you think Grandpa is?” she asked Leo.

  “Zanzibar,” he said. It was the country he’d last found on the map.

  “Leo says Zanzibar. I have no idea. We were plotting your route on a map, but we ran out of pins somewhere around the Russian border.”

  “Well, I’m closer than you might think.”

  “Really?” Kat dared to hope. He wasn’t . . . was he?

  “I’m at the station. In Scarborough.”

  She bounced on the spot in excitement. “You’re back! Grandpa’s home, Leo!”

  Leo jumped up and encircled her legs.

  “How about one of your fine cups of tea for an old, well-traveled man?”

  “I’ll put the kettle on.”

  Kat hung up and hugged Leo in delight. “It’s Grandpa! Bath time’s postponed.”

  An hour later, Kat’s father was sitting with her and Leo in their living room. They’d talked almost nonstop since he’d arrived, Leo asking questions and Kat’s dad telling them about his adventures.

  Now he sat calmly in her armchair, a canvas bag on his lap. Kat smiled at him, content to have him nearby once more. He’d always made her feel calm, as if everything was going to be fine—and now, after what had happened with Jake, it was exactly what she needed.

  “I’m so glad you’re home,” she said quietly.

  “It’s good to be back. And I brought you a few little things,” he said, passing Leo a package.

  Leo unwrapped a set of Russian dolls. He looked at the large one in puzzlement, until his grandfather showed him how to open it.

  “It’s got tons of babies inside,” he exclaimed happily, taking out the smaller dolls and lining them up.

  “And, Kat, I got you this,” he said, passing Kat a hand-embroidered tablecloth: yellows, reds and blues on white cotton.

  “It’s beautiful,” she said, touching the stitching. “Really special. Thanks, Dad.” She reached over to kiss him on the cheek.

  “It sounds as if you had a wonderful time,” she said.

  “I did. It was everything I’d dreamed of and more. Friendly people, incredible sights—I’ve got so many photos to show you.”

  “Show me!” Leo said.

  “Love, it’s already way past your bedtime, I’m afraid. Grandpa can show you tomorrow. Go and get your pajamas on.”

  Reluctantly Leo toddled off to his room, clutching his Russian doll.

  “So, what have I missed?” her father said.

  “Leo’s grown a shoe size, and I have become a food critic.”

  “A what?” he asked, curious.

  “I’ve been trying my hand at food and drink reviewing—visiting tearooms with a journalist friend.” It felt good to be able to tell her dad what she’d been doing, and how much she’d achieved by stepping out of her comfort zone. Thanks to Charlie and Séraphine, she had rediscovered the importance of pursuing her dreams instead of letting life pass her by.

  “That’s my girl!” He beamed proudly. “This is wonderful. You’ve always enjoyed writing, haven’t you?”

  “I love it. It’s only a short-term thing, but it’s reminded me what I want to be doing.”

  “And you’re doing all right for money, are you?”

  “Yes,” she lied. She couldn’t bring herself to tell him the truth—she’d never admitted to him that she was struggling, and she wasn’t about to start now. He’d worked hard all his life to provide for her, and he was entitled to enjoy the money he had left and pursue his own dream of seeing the world. She didn’t want him feeling guilty about doing that.

  “Are you sure? You know I can help you, don’t you?”

  “I’ll be fine. I’m still looking for a job, but something’s bound to come along soon.”

&n
bsp; “I hope Jake’s been doing his bit?”

  “It’s complicated,” Kat said. “I’m afraid that side of things hasn’t been good.”

  “What’s he done?” Her father’s expression, normally soft and kind, hardened a little.

  “Jake announced he was going to push for custody of Leo.” Her eyes welled up thinking of it—that awful time she’d spent, convinced that her future with her son was hanging in the balance. “It’s OK now, but to be honest it’s been a nightmare.”

  Her father furrowed his brow. “I wish you’d said something. I hate to think of you going through all that on your own.”

  “I didn’t want to ruin your time away. In any case, I wasn’t alone. Letty’s been supportive, as always, and I’ve had some good friends here with me.”

  “I’m pleased to hear it. But still, no one should treat you that way. I’ve half a mind to—”

  “Dad, let it go. It’s the way I’ve chosen to make peace with it. Jake’s said sorry, he knows he was in the wrong.”

  “You deserve better.”

  Hearing the words from her father—the same words Charlie and Séraphine had said to her—cemented the thought in her mind. It was true. She did deserve better. And that meant setting new boundaries for her relationship with Jake, rules that wouldn’t be broken.

  “I missed you, Dad,” she said. “I might be a grown-up, but I don’t always feel like one.”

  “Come here and have a hug,” her dad said. She went over to where he was sitting and he took her into his arms, a warm comforting embrace. He kissed the top of her head. “I love you, Kat.”

  Leo came back into the room, toothbrush in hand. “I want to hug too,” he said. They opened up their circle and brought him into it. Kat kissed his hair and they all held one another tightly. “And we love you,” Kat said.